The Founder of WHOLE
Rooted in Research, Experience, and Meaning
Rooted in Research, Experience, and Meaning
A Commitment to Your Growth, Fulfilment, and Inner Power
The Founder of WHOLE
Rooted in Research, Experience, and Meaning
Rooted in Research, Experience, and Meaning
A Commitment to Your Growth, Fulfilment, and Inner Power
Living WHOLE: How to Live in Alignment with Your Whole Self
A WHOLE Coaching Guide to Sustainable Change and Deep Wellbeing
“So any man with a feeling and deeper insight for the workings of the Whole will find some pleasure in almost every aspect of their disposition.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.51
Walking Away from the Edge of Transformation
Have you ever begun a path, a relationship, a goal, a project, or even a new version of yourself, and through fear, self-sabotage, or outdated self-stories, failed to experience the wholeness of that endeavour?
To experience the wholeness of an endeavour means to move through the full arc of personal growth — the ease, difficulty, joys and challenges — without retreating when things become uncomfortable. It is the process of full immersion and surrender, allowing the experience to shape you, and emerging transformed. This is Living Whole: a path to lasting change and deep alignment with your whole self.
The Little Things: How Presence Shapes a Life
Do you enjoy a morning coffee? I love it! But I can tell you, there have been many mornings when my coffee seemed to just evaporate. These are the mornings when I found myself engrossed in cute kitten memes (my dark secret!). Think for a minute: how often do you eat a delicious meal, drink your morning coffee, or even spend time with a loved one, whilst your attention is elsewhere? We so often fail to fully attend to what is in front of us in favour of the dopamine rush of social media, the “urgent” emails or mindless TV shows. These distractions are so ingrained into modern life that we don’t even notice how many moments drain away that could be spent really feeling alive.
Bringing ourselves fully into the present moment is an act of embodied living – one that allows us to wholly experience the coffee, view, meal, or valued company. Considering how often we don’t pay attention to the little moments, it is no wonder years can pass before we realise we are not where we hoped to be in life, leaving us with the taste of unfulfilled emptiness.
Like the little things in life, our biggest and most treasured goals and dreams get put on the back burner in favour of things which are easier to complete, like emails, housework, or box sets. These easy tasks give us the illusion of getting on with things. If you constantly find yourself making any excuse to get on with your big project, or life change, then you are pretty normal, but if you also feel unfulfilled in your life then read on…
Micro-practice
The “When I” Trap: Why We Postpone Our Deepest Goals
Why are so many of us unable to get on with the things in life that might set our souls off singing? Those secret and meaningful yearnings that we suspect will leave us awash with a glorious peace of mind wrought from knowing that we have achieved our deepest yearnings. You might now be wondering what the hell I am on about.
I am talking about the book, the album, the catering business, being a cheese maker in the Hebrides, or whatever you know in your soul is where you can express your truest self. The self who is aligned with its own values, based on its own strengths, who owns its own decisions, and who, as a result of this, knows its own path. This is a self who may excite you or may frighten you – but it is a self you need to get to know if you are to fulfil these goals, embodied as they are by your whole self.
What stops us from walking wholeheartedly into the waves of experience: the ups and downs that accompany any worthwhile endeavour? Why do we fail to commit fully to the things that psychology’s finest minds (Csikszentmihalyi, Deci and Ryan, Seligman) tell us will enhance wellbeing and fulfilment?
Common Delays
The Lure of Avoidance and Hedonic Goals
Many of us fall into the “I will be happy when I…” trap, a form of self-sabotage that distances us from the deeper, values-based living that fosters genuine fulfilment. The trap whispers to us about being thinner, richer, prettier, or having a better car, postcode, or more followers.
These fall into the category of hedonic goals: goals which we think will bring us more pleasure and reduce pain. Science now tells us that these kind of goals do not make us happier. In fact, what they often lead to social comparisons (comparing ourselves to others), and that in itself can have the effect of making us more miserable, although this is complex.
What Stops Us from Living Whole?
Allowing our energy to be directed away from these self-concordant goals, or whole-self goals, can be a method of avoiding the inevitable challenges: mental, emotional, physical or even spiritual. The strong cleaning urge or the urgent email you simply must answer will often occur at the same time as your thoughts of getting on with what you know, deep down, will bring you real wellbeing.
Perhaps you have no problem starting, rather it’s completion, that you struggle with. The beginning of new projects is often fuelled with energy and possibility, but research shows that somewhere around the midpoint, we lose motivation. In her book, Get it Done: Surprising Lessons from the Science of Motivation, Ayelet Fishbach[i], lays bare the uncomfortable truth that we will often be tempted to cut corners, even lie or cheat, to overcome the challenge of the midpoint lull in motivation. In spite of knowing that these behaviours are looked down upon by society, and often us, the unwillingness to work through discomfort can be so strong that we to act in ways which will undoubtedly begin to change how we see ourselves, and potentially how others see us.
How Avoidance Reinforces Limiting Self-Stories
You may be telling yourself right now you’re not avoiding discomfort, you’re simply not ready, or this is not the ‘right thing’. You may tell yourself that you clever for finding the shortcut. You even may begin to believe you don’t need to put in the full effort. Beliefs don’t sit idle, and avoidance is not neutral.
Every belief influences how you show up in the present and the future. Every unfinished experience in which we avoid the full experience – cheat, self-sabotage, do a half job – creates a change in us.
A change which is often marked by disappointment, disillusionment, and diminished self-trust. The most dangerous thing is that these changes often reinforce self-stories fed to you about yourself in childhood and young adulthood.
Not because they were ever true, but because you began to live as though they were. and what is the result of applying effort? Slower growth. Maybe even minimal growth of capacity, knowledge, ability and the self-belief that go accompany hard won achievements.
You’re Not Stuck — You’re Evolving
Perhaps you believe some of the stories from your childhood, that you are lazy, not clever enough, too clever to try, too shy, disorganised or whatever your parents and teachers told you. You may believe the old adage that just as a leopard cannot change their spots, neither can humans. You may believe that you are “wired” a particular way, and there is no way to change that.
Let me ask you this: Are you the same person you were seven years old?
Do you have the same abilities, hopes, fears, needs and desires? You may still like ice cream, you may still have the same best friend, but what matters to you today, what you know, can do, value, desire and need has evolved.
Quick Reframes
What Neuroscience and Personality Research Reveal About Change
Neuroscience and contemporary personality science show us that our brains are capable of remarkable neuroplasticity and change throughout life – a foundation for ongoing personal growth. Roberts et al[ii]. (2006) published a meta-analysis – a large scale study combining the results of many smaller studies – which showed that significant average trait changes occur across the lifespan.
Particular increases in conscientiousness and emotional stability were shown between the ages of 20 to 40 years old. Additionally, research by Specht et al.[iii] (2024), focusing on the Big Five (agreeableness, neuroticism, openness, conscientiousness and extraversion), as well as self-esteem and life satisfaction can be shaped by life events.
Experiences such as relationships, marriage, divorce, parenthood, graduation, entering the workforce, loss of a loved one and retirement are believed to influence personality change through their impact on thoughts, feelings and behaviours.
Quick Reframes
Case Study: How Changing the Story Changes the Brain
The Practice of Living Whole
But the same science gives us hope: neuroplasticity is possible, powerfully so, when we reduce chronic stress and engage with life in new, intentional ways [Davidson & McEwen, 2012]. For this client, we worked first to name the old story (‘I am not safe unless I am perfect’), and then to consciously define what they wanted instead: to be able to stay open to feedback, to learn, to feel grounded even when challenged.”
They also explored what brought them flow – activities that combined purpose with manageable challenge – because flow states are linked with increased neuroplasticity and motivation [Csikszentmihalyi, 1990; Kotler & Wheal, 2017]. Importantly, they came to understand that flow doesn’t mean comfort: it includes healthy challenge and learning to tolerate that is part of becoming more adaptable.
Building New Stories Through Action
Through this process – recognising the story, defining a new direction, reducing stress load, and deliberately seeking out adaptive challenges – they began to shift. Over time, the grip of the old pattern loosened. They became more able to tolerate feedback, stay engaged, and embrace learning moments. This enabled them to build greater resilience and wellbeing in both work and life.
How Growth Happens Through Challenge
Every time you act with courage, resilience and commitment you also build a new story. One where you are capable. Whole. Enough. Studies have shown that when we understand people are not fixed in abilities, skills, and wellbeing, they can achieve great things. Even traits like conscientiousness and curiosity, once thought fixed, evolve through mindset, change and lived experience.
Growth occurs when we meet challenges with curiosity, difficulty with resilience, disorder with conscientiousness, ignorance with learning and patience, and resistance with compassion. When we fully commit to something, or someone, we inevitably change. Yes, you are the same person, but also, you are not. That paradox is the beauty of growth.
Where Are You Not Living Whole?
Reflective Questions for Your Journey
Theoretical Foundations That Support This Work
These frameworks are lived through this work. They offer structure for navigating uncertainty, resisting avoidance, and cultivating deliberate alignment.
The Good News: Resilience, Not Perfection
Committing to wholeness doesn’t mean chasing perfection. It means staying the course, even through pain, fear, and uncertainty.
It means resilience: the ability to keep showing up when things get hard. Resilience is the capacity to withstand, bounce back from, and work through challenges. Research shows that resilient individuals are more likely to thrive.
Ready to Begin Your Whole Life?
If you’re ready to commit to Living Whole, to embrace personal growth and lasting change, then you’ve come to the right place.
WHOLE Coaching is here to help you live in alignment, rather than avoidance. Let’s begin.
References
[i] Fishbach, A. (2022). Get it Done: Surprising Lessons from the Science of Motivation. Little, Brown Spark.
[ii] Roberts, B. W., Walton, K. E., & Viechtbauer, W. (2006). Patterns of Mean-Level Change in Personality Traits Across the Life Course: A Meta-Analysis of Longitudinal Studies. Psychological Bulletin, 132, 1–25. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.132.1.1
[iii] Buehler, J. L., Orth, U., Bleidorn, W., Weber, E., Kretzschmar, A., Scheling, L., & Hopwood, C. (2023). Life events and personality change: A systematic review and meta-analysis. European Journal of Personality, 38. https://doi.org/10.1177/08902070231190219
